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The reading, writing, and healing has not stopped...

it's just moved.

read.write.heal has MOVED to Make it Beautiful.

In an effort to SIMPLIFY, I have combined all of my blogs and business ventures into one big, happy place called

MAKE IT BEAUTIFUL.

Please visit me there, and feel free to follow and say hello!

When does real life begin?

I have my "morning inspiration time" during my planning period every day while listening to the Avett Brothers Pandora station. Today I heard this song and it spoke to me, probably because we've been watching hours upon hours of Lost in my house the past few nights. But, on a serious note, I think we all live like this at times...like we're waiting for the "real" stuff, and all of this other stuff is just a dress rehearsal. It wasn't until my mid-twenties tht it hit me that THIS is the real stuff, and we don't get a practice run on life. I think the sooner we realize it, the sooner we can really start living, and I hope this song inspires you to do just that.

"Waiting for my real life to begin"--Colin Haye

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

On a clear day

I can see, see for a long way
On a clear day
I can see, see a very long way

Possible Journal topics:
1. What are you checking the horizon for? What is on "your ship"?
2. How are your dreams different than your reality?
3. How can you "be still...open up your heart, let the light shine in"?
4. Would you like to "just be here now" or keep hoping/waiting for that ship?

And for fun: If you were stranded on an Island, like those plane-crash survivors on Lost, would you live in the hopes of a rescue (closer to the shore where people can see you, etc.) or would you live in the "reality" of the situation (make the island your home and adapt to it as if you may never leave)?

Photo taken and edited by one of my students

Create something today

I saw this quote on a blog I follow and thought I'd share.

"Woman was born to create...in creating she becomes herself, accomplishes her destiny. Her whole life is only an initiation into creative power. To create is not merely to produce a work...it is to give out ones own individuality." -Jeanne De Vietinghoff

My beautifully creative little sis, Natalie.

What were you born to create?

What can you create today?

Dear Shiner...

I wrote this letter to our first dog, Shiner, after feeling a lot of guilt from his passing. I used the Dialogue journaling tool to complete the sequence with a letter back from him. Though it may sound, strange, it actually brough me a lot of closure and peace. I hope you find the same results!

April 7, 2008

Dear Shiner,

Since you have left us there have been many things I've wanted to tell you. The first thing I would say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you took your last breath, comforting you and easing your pain. I'm sorry I left you tied to your chain all of the time and that when you died you were tied up instead of running free with the horses (something that always scared me). I'm sorry that I didn't do more to help you through your many illnesses and sickness. I wish I could've taken you to the vet more because there may have been something more they could've done for you to make you live longer. I'm sorry, most of all, that I will not have you to greet me every day when I walk into my new, quiet home. I once wrote that "real love is seeing your dog thump his tail against the floor for you even when he's too tired to get up. " I will miss that more than you will ever know and I wish I could show you how much love I had and still have for you in my heart.

Love,

Priscilla

Here is his response:

Dear Priscilla Mommy,

It's Shiner here. I know, I'm a dog, and I'm not supposed to talk, but if I could, this is what I would tell you (and daddy). First of all, you saved my life. You rescued me when I was about to die of starvation and infection. Something called you to drive three hours away, without telling your husband, to pick me up and save me. You drove me home by yourself, not knowing if I was going to eat you alive, even with your fear of dogs. You trusted that I would be a good boy without knowing anything about me except I was black, and really skinny. Something called you to save me, and you did. You nursed me back to health and gave me a loving and stable home. You were there for me when I needed you. I loved going for walks near the horses, playing in the pond and going to the park. I loved the moments when I broke free and got to run with the horses but now I can run with them all the time. They will always watch over me and I will always watch over you. I know how much you loved me and how you made the last two years of my long life the best years ever.

Love,

Shiner

We love you, Shiner!

(Click here to read a letter to Henry.)

Journaling Tool: Dialogue

As said in Journal to the Self by Kathleen Adams, "The Dialogue technique is the Swiss army knife of the journal toolbox...(it) can take you into or through nearly any journal situation you can imagine. It is the technique of choice of many experienced journalers..."

Basically, "Dialogue is an exchange between you and someone or something else, where you play both parts."

You can have dialogue with persons, events and circumstances, works, the body, societies, emotions/feelings, material objects/possessions, subpersonalities/symbols, resistance/block, and inner wisdom.

On a page it can look like a movie script:

ME: You're all very small.

FEARS: Fears don't grow, they multiply.

(From Journal to the Self)

Or, one of my favorite techniques is to do it as a back-and-forth sequence of letters.

Writing the initial letter (to the person, emotion, etc.) is the easiest part. The confusing, and hard part is writing the response. I used to wonder, how do I determine what the other person says? Am I supposed to be honest when I write the response? Am I supposed to be harsh or forgiving? But now that I've done it a few times, trust me when I say that it just comes. And while it may be difficult, it is where the true feeling, and learning, and healing takes place.

I recommend doing this exchange when you need to find some sense of "closure" on an issue in your life. I wrote a letter to our dog, Shiner, after having a lot of guilt from his passing. It was cathartic and good for me to write to him, but the real growth came in his response. (I know, it sounds crazy. I wrote a letter to myself, from my no-longer-living dog. But it worked).

To read more on this topic, I suggest you check out the book Journal to the Self by Kathleen Adams and read the chapter on Dialogue, where you can get more tips.

Here is my "Shiner" example for you to check out.

Good luck and feel free to post some of your own examples with dialogue!

What do we know now? Part II

I recently wrote a post about what I would tell my thirteen year-old-self if I could go back in time. As a connection to that, I'd like to share an excerpt from one of my favorite bloggers, Nicci Holt Cline's post "Let's Hike" on Mamalode. 

"...A little piece of that insecure 13 year-old still exists. Sometimes she’s tucked away in my heart, a memory of learning confidence and understanding sadness. And sometimes she’s in my underbelly, unprotected. Right now, I am more confident and secure than I have ever been. I live my life how I want to live it, surround myself with people I want to be with. I care less and less how strangers and acquaintances interpret my choices. But, in all honesty, some cool comments and raised eyebrows still sting right in that familiar spot. I still want people to like me. 

I get so bored and annoyed with myself. When will I REALLY not care? When will I REALLY trust myself? Because, it’s inevitable that I will write about something that someone judges and it’s inevitable that a woman at a restaurant will shoot daggers out of her eyes when I leave my children unattended to grab a fork. It’s also inevitable that the insecurity will fade and I will go on a walk with my family or laugh with girlfriends over wine. All that mud will settle to the bottom of my pool and I will be left with clear, energizing water and a crisp understanding of love and purpose and good. 

I’ve heard people talk about the craziness of life like a hamster on a wheel. I think it’s more like a hike. There are rocky sections, smooth paths and false summits. Holy hell is it tiring and wow is it rewarding. I keep thinking about how we’re all on a hike. Some are on a steep bitch of a switch back while others rest on a rock and each a peach. We take turns in those positions, each of us challenged by different things, each of us experiencing triumphs and failures. We all have vulnerabilities and insecurities. There is a point, in each of us, when we want to give up, turn around, sit down and cry. There is a time when each of us are happily skipping, hydrated and rested. There are some who, when doing well, step over a depleted mama and carry on. There are some who, when another is doing well, give a sharp shove hoping she’ll fall. And, of course, there are many who offer a hand, a hug, an ear no matter their own strength or weakness. It’s up to me to surround myself by and focus on the kind, unjudging people and let the others come and go. 

I am trying like hell to raise good people, demonstrate kind behavior, balance letting go and holding tight. And all that while I am caring for myself, my partner, my friends, my interests, my career. It’s a lot. Sometimes it is too much. It’s in the moments I Want To Throw In The Towel, when the underbelly is soft and malleable, that’s when I am 13 and walking home from school with salty-stained cheeks.

The difference, of course, is that I am 32 and I don’t feel like I have to wipe the tears away and head to my room so nobody knows my pain. Now I admit the sting, self-reflect, embrace the discomfort and roll around in my sensitive brain and honest conversations with good friends. And I’ll tell you, when someone steps over me when I’m down or pushes me when I’m thriving? It hurts. Sometimes my process is messy and I am sure my husband wishes I could let it go in a more streamlined manner. I am getting there.I hear 40 is good for letting other’s opinions roll off your confident back…but, first, I embrace this journey. 

Just like middle schoolers hoping for an invite to a friend’s house, mamas are hoping for an I am picking up what you are putting down, sister. We’re in it together.

Let’s hike. The view is much better when shared."

Possible Journal Topics:

1. What part of your thirteen year-old self still exists? In what moments does he/she ever make an appearance in your life today? 

2. What are some of your vulnerabilities and insecurities? Do you see similarities with those of your thirteen year-old self? What are your coping mechanisms "in the moments I Want To Throw In The Towel, when the underbelly is soft and malleable"?

3. How do you currently envision your life--like a hamster wheel or like a hike? How would you like to envision it?

4. How can you "offer a hand, a hug, an ear no matter their own strength or weakness" to those around you rather than "step over a depleted mama and carry on" or "give a sharp shove hoping she’ll fall"?

Please share your experiences and writing with me! (you can do it anonymously through the comment box). 

E.L.E.

 

 

We are all meant to shine

In my last post, What do you know now?, I said I wished I could tell my thirteen year-old self to not shrink in her beauty, and thanked Marianne Williamson. It wasn't until I read the following quote that I realized that girls all too often "play small" because they think it will make others feel better and less insecure with themselves. I just love how this quote reminds us that "we are all meant to shine."

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” --Marianne Williamson

Don't be afraid to let your full light shine, and by doing so, giving those around you permission to do the same.

Possible Journal Topics:
1. What fears would you like to be liberated from?
2. How can you liberate those around you by eliminating your own fears?
3. Have you ever thought, "Who am I to be ___________?" What is stopping you from being whatever it is you wish to be?
4. How can you let your full light shine?